so this is what it feels like to be a good girl.
no wild parties.
no power-of-three ring of boys to set you confused and in the end lead you to mess up.
and there's the silence. the wrap i've laid around myself to shelter me.
no more cigarettes.
and sex? when was the last time someone else made me come? it's funny, really. not that sad. this dread of silence, this fear of being alone.
and now, it's all i've got.
i think this stillness, silence, means something.
it's actually the numbness of the mind.
say hello to the bed's topography.
i don't like waking up in the morning.
and i hate to fall asleep.
my dreams are rancid, they burn me as I try to forget them.
but my mother's in them. and sometimes, after she's rung me, my day is ruined. I have no more strength. just wanna call it a day.
it's starting to make me lonely, this loneliness she's projecting.
no, we can't talk about it. we can't talk about what happened.
and so, the silence is killing me, but it's all i've got.

this is yesterday - tomorrow comes today